everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
