yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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