i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize