I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
