I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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