There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
