The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
