went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
