Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
