so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
