are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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