its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
