Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
