Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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