yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
