You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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