and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
