There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
