Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
