I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
