But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize