If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
