I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you traded sex for a burrito?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
