pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
