omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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