so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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