i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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