I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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