yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
