we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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