I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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