Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
