he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
