The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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