You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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