I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
