I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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