We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i walk over a car last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
