Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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