I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
