So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize