Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
