i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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