a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
