i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
