Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
