Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
