just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize