what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will pee on everything he values.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
