Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
