he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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