There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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