i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
