my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
