We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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