guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
