Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
