Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
