Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
