that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
