i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
