those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
