If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
time to smoke my breakfast
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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