how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
