I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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