dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize