my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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